This hair holds a lot of lessons for me – like how giving something up on God’s instructions doesn’t mean that you’ve lost it, …or how it often comes back better, bigger than it was before, and sometimes in no time at all (if you saw the hair after I chopped it off in 2018, you’d maybe understand better).
You see, between May and June of 2018, the Holy Spirit methodically stripped me of every single thing I was hiding behind. I had put together an image of an untouchable, accomplished young lady, powering through life, with iron-clad walls that made sure that no human got through, and no feelings slipped out. When God was going to come for me, He sort of waited for me at a tight corner.
You see, a vital part of the life I was gunning for involved a successful business chain and so when I ended up in Ibadan on my parents’ instructions, the only thing I needed His help to fix and set-up was to get the business running again. Oh boy, was I wrong.
In that corner, when I finally admitted that I didn’t have all the answers and I needed His help (the point of surrender), it was in retrospect finally handing Him the permission to build the daughter He had created me to be. So, He started. He’d give me a Scripture each day, tell me where to go, and what to say THAT day. I almost always came home with a sale or new booking. The Fashion house was booming – I had work, at fairly decent prices and excellent referrals too.
Then He stepped it up. He’d show me passages from the Bible, 1 verse or phrase at a time. Then we’d spend the whole day turning it over as we made the clothes. See excellent strategies, and shortcuts, plus dressmaking methods. I was on a roll.
He then started what I like to call a methodical dismantling. He’d give me a verse, and inside that verse, there would be a character challenge, a business principle and a production hack. There was a series of “stop doing this, it is greed at work, and greed will short change you in the long run”. “This one is fear”, “this one is gross indiscipline”.
Then one day, He came with the big guns. Cut your hair. I’m like what? No! Never! Then He showed me how the hair was such a big part of my shield and emotional wall – I had even built my wardrobe around it to project a certain image. It came down to me versus Him. Did I want to use God as a tool to achieve the future I had envisioned for myself, or did I want to step into the future that He was building for me?
I did a quick risk-gain analysis. It had taken 7 years to grow the hair to that texture and length, but it was so much more symbolic. It was a powerful reflection of the undercover work I was doing to build the life I wanted. Then I looked at the peaceful bliss of the previous few months. Compared to the enormous amount of light, wisdom and peace that had invaded my life, the 7 years were nothing.
So I cut my hair. Just grabbed a pair of scissors and hacked my bra-length silky hair off, till I was left with a punk low cut. I was weeping the entire time, because my hair was well and truly my most prized possession. In a way that only God could know, He had demanded what mattered the most, and with it, my dreams and ambitions crumbled. My family thought I was crazy, and considered checking me for mental issues (lol).
With my sense of identity gone, it was easier to let go of everything else: the fashion business as it existed then (what I now see was a desperate frenzy to keep doing more to make more rather than doing better work that earned me more). After the whole shut-downs, there was a do-over – a blank sheet for the Lord to start His work. He showed me whole business templates from the Scriptures, while pointing me to Scriptural forerunners and showing me how the thread of prophecies ran from the Old Testament into the New. He would challenge me to interprete Bible verses into ingenious dress designs (most of them are not out yet) while showing me who He had called me to be according to Scriptures.
He pointed me to teachers and earthly examples for each trait, even as He grounded me in Himself. As He turned me inward, it became inevitable that I’d bear fruit outward.
Growth – true growth, always starts from the inside (a rapid evolution if you please) that both strips you down and then builds you up, causing a natural eruption and phenomenal increase.
Fun fact: Nearly everything I wanted (my old ambitions) have already happened, and they did not take as long as I budgeted. When God says that He has better in store for you, He really does have better. One of the most profound statements I read in that period is “God doesn’t need my platform to shine. I NEED His platform to become the best that I can be”. (Heather Lindsaywas such a blessing).
The big hair chop (the surrender point) is not even up to 2 years ago, and my beloved hair is already back. Imagine if I had kept foolishly holding on. I’m not sure that I’d have been usable to carry all of the assignments that God has used me for this time.
Surrender to the growth process (even if it means a period of being hidden). The most powerful thrusts often begin as a seeming drawback. ABBA’s got you.
Love and light,
Hadassah bath YHWH
The Father’s Daughter
P.S.: some of the biggest lessons and insights from that time are up as messages, articles etc on Deborah’s Court and you can head over to delve in (you know I always share my deepest treasures from Abba). And if you’d like to help reach young people with Bible-based solutions to life and business, send a mail to email@example.com