Mask Off

Mask off

I am autistic. I want to stay in a bubble and not be rattled. I want to sit in a slightly darker corner and stim to my heart’s content – rock if I want to, “dance” if I want to, flap if I want to, twist my hands if I want to. I want to walk from my house to the store without being interrupted (or harassed about my “inappropriate” facial expression).

Books are my happy place. Music can be a safe sound. I like movies because they show me what is “acceptable” social behavior without judging me for not knowing, and so I know how to act in those sort of situations when I meet them in real life.

I know a lot. My third favorite thing to do is to observe people. (The second is to obsess over why humans do what they do). The first is to have internal conversations. I used to be my own best friend, then I met the Holy Spirit. He knows a lot, understands me and everything more than anyone else could, and doesn’t judge. With Him, there’s no right or wrong, only righteousness. There’s no good or bad, only sin and better. He sees me as I am, recognizes how much of effort it requires, and pushes me to grow. And so I do – put in the work, do the extra, show up for others (even when it’s hard/hurts) – because I know He loves me without equivocation, and wants the best for me.

I love my heavenly Father. He cares in a way that no other human ever can. I love His children – we are all God’s children. Some of them just don’t know it yet. They’re my siblings, but sometimes they do things that hurt others. Because of this, I owe everyone love, but not access. They do not need to have access to my bubble. Maybe later, when they have grown, or become better. But not now. I need my bubble to be safe to be able to function.

My apartment is the safest place, because it’s mine. It has my squishy toys and favorite books and calming scents and minimal noise. Things are arranged the way I like it, and nobody moves it, so it feels safe. I can do and undo from in here. I can move mountains, influence groups, teach, train, consult, share, listen to others …be a safe, happy place for others.

I’m grateful for technology. For the ability to reach others without needing to be physically present, or arrange my face, tone and expressions to suit what they think it should look like. To be me, and allow people to be themselves – and they don’t get to intrude as much. I like how technology and chatting apps allow me to show the emotion or expression that I really feel, even when my face is not cooperating, or my body is to tired to move. Stickers and emojis and gifs are next best thing since strawberries. They tell the words and share the expressions better than I can. For the opportunity to deep-dive into new fields of interest and take knowledge quests from safe spaces.

Some say my journey is slow. I’m fighting different demons. Some say it’s fast. Again, I am fighting different demons. It’s my journey, not anyone else’

I am Hadassah bath YHWH
Daughter of the Living God

Daughter of the Living God

Author: Jane Oluwadare
Jane solves hard problems so you don't stay stuck Jane (Hadassah) OLUWADARE is an autistic, dyslexic multi-dimensional woman who uses her different dimensions to amplify one another, and is committed to showing other neurodivergent people how to replicate working wisdom in their respective contexts. In the PKH Network, she brings her various facets, strengths and skills to work together in viable business models, creating solutions for other visionaries, and providing platforms for young people to grow into their own strengths, develop experience and expertise As a data analyst, strategist and business development consultant in PKH Consulting, she sits with business structures to help them identify the gaps in their processes, build the blueprints, strategy, process flows and structures that will get them from where they are to where they want to be. As a productivity and execution coach in PHRONESIS Lighthouse, she works with neurodivergent people to get more productive, and do more with less effort, with particular attention to autistic people and people with ADHD. As a fashion consultant in HSFH, she styles, illustrates, and brings 15+ years of sewing experience to bear as she works to produce and sell stylish clothing that meets sensory, functional and fashionable needs. She teaches creative and trade skills in CriArt Skill Academy, working with neurodivergent children (with particular attention to autism, dyslexia and ADHD) to show them how their natural talents and tendencies can be an advantage inside and outside of the classroom and school curriculum. Utilising games and play as tools, as well as drawing from her own personal experience as a designer, chef and writer she helps them transfer the skills from the creative arts into school subjects and real life. She writes extensively, sharing her thoughts in books, articles and through her various enterprises as creative stories and non-fiction think-pieces available in Books By Hadassah. An International Youth Council member and former Global Youth Ambassador, she sits on the boards of several youth-led organisations in an advisory capacity; and continues to work with others to help develop children and young adults to create a life of impact. At the very core of her being, Hadassah keeps chasing after The One who keeps her balanced and finds the ultimate fulfilment in her fellowship with the Holy Spirit. She quips that He is the real super power that keeps her functioning as an autistic, dyslexic person with ADHD, and often shares the insights He teaches her on Personal Development, Business Development and mindset reorientation according to the Word with Deborah's Court (her ministry expression)


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