Breaking the Cycle of Control

Controlling people breeds a toxic cycle – because people being controlled go on to control others. Breaking it requires being firm on 3 fronts:

  1. With the person who controlled you
  2. With yourself
  3. With others around you

With the person who controlled you – Draw boundaries, and stick to them. Explain if need be (sometimes they don’t know and they’ll welcome the help. Sometimes, they are people that should be honoured). Give as much distance as is necessary, so you can heal and rebuild your life.


With yourself – Choose the paradigms that matter to you. Fight your own habit loops. Build better. Watch how you are treating others. Look for examples worthy of emulation. Focus on growth vs perfection. Believe bigger and enjoy the process.


With others around you – Set firm boundaries, but let them be themselves. Don’t let others ride roughshod over you. Be kind, warm if you can, but stay true to yourself. The true balance is being you, allowing them to be them, without sacrificing anyone. The relationships may need to go though.


Hadassah bath YHWH
The Father’s Daughter

Author: Jane Oluwadare
Jane solves hard problems so you don't stay stuck Jane (Hadassah) OLUWADARE is an autistic, dyslexic multi-dimensional woman who uses her different dimensions to amplify one another, and is committed to showing other neurodivergent people how to replicate working wisdom in their respective contexts. In the PKH Network, she brings her various facets, strengths and skills to work together in viable business models, creating solutions for other visionaries, and providing platforms for young people to grow into their own strengths, develop experience and expertise As a data analyst, strategist and business development consultant in PKH Consulting, she sits with business structures to help them identify the gaps in their processes, build the blueprints, strategy, process flows and structures that will get them from where they are to where they want to be. As a productivity and execution coach in PHRONESIS Lighthouse, she works with neurodivergent people to get more productive, and do more with less effort, with particular attention to autistic people and people with ADHD. As a fashion consultant in HSFH, she styles, illustrates, and brings 15+ years of sewing experience to bear as she works to produce and sell stylish clothing that meets sensory, functional and fashionable needs. She teaches creative and trade skills in CriArt Skill Academy, working with neurodivergent children (with particular attention to autism, dyslexia and ADHD) to show them how their natural talents and tendencies can be an advantage inside and outside of the classroom and school curriculum. Utilising games and play as tools, as well as drawing from her own personal experience as a designer, chef and writer she helps them transfer the skills from the creative arts into school subjects and real life. She writes extensively, sharing her thoughts in books, articles and through her various enterprises as creative stories and non-fiction think-pieces available in Books By Hadassah. An International Youth Council member and former Global Youth Ambassador, she sits on the boards of several youth-led organisations in an advisory capacity; and continues to work with others to help develop children and young adults to create a life of impact. At the very core of her being, Hadassah keeps chasing after The One who keeps her balanced and finds the ultimate fulfilment in her fellowship with the Holy Spirit. She quips that He is the real super power that keeps her functioning as an autistic, dyslexic person with ADHD, and often shares the insights He teaches her on Personal Development, Business Development and mindset reorientation according to the Word with Deborah's Court (her ministry expression)

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